


A Drop in the Ocean

by moovelope



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Character Death, Character Study, How many times can you hand out your hearts?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-13
Updated: 2012-02-13
Packaged: 2017-10-31 02:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/338774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moovelope/pseuds/moovelope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He would have loved having a daughter again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Drop in the Ocean

You squeeze the body tightly in your arms, telling the girl that it's going to be alright, that she's going to be okay, that she is going to make it. You tell her of the life that you’re going to have together, the two of you, touching every star in the galaxies. You’re going to have adventures, laugh at the stupidest of things; you-she is going to live. She is of your own flesh and blood, and she’s brave and she’s kind and you could teach her so much. So you tell her, tell her of her bright future, of how wonderful of a person she’ll be, how she is going to be fine. And, just like so many times before, you're lying through your teeth, through your hearts because goddamn it why haven't you learned your lesson yet. 

Because, because, you were able to see it. Your life with her, her laughter filling the TARDIS, a constant companion for the first time in a long time. She wouldn’t be there for a few trips, to see the sights; she’d be there for you. Yet, the future fades in your eyes, leaving a huge hole in your chest.

You lean Jenny's body gently to the ground. You knew the second after her eyes closed that she wasn’t going to regenerate. That heat, that energy that bubbles up right before the change isn’t there, just the normal temperature of her body. This is the exact reason why you try to never get too attached. The _exact_ reason. All of your companions must leave you at one point or another, because then you can keep that image of them in your mind, alive and happy. When they leave you imagine the rest of their long happy lives to live with yourself. It is so hard to hand your hearts out knowing that these people, these wonderful, beautiful, lively people, were just going to die one day.

And Jenny is just the epitome of that idea. You didn't want to think of her as your daughter. Simple cloning process, take some genes, grow a human, it wasn't real. Yet, as Donna wheedled you and Jenny's two hearts beat, you accepted it. Perhaps you could accept this idea of having children again. Granted, you hadn't been able to raise her from a baby, and the echoes of your lost children still were locked up deep in your memory so you can keep that smile on your face, but you could do it. You could give your hearts out one more time. She was alive and real and yours.

And now she wasn’t.

Whirling around, you face the general that shot your daughter, your daughter, and pick up a stray gun. All of the spilt blood and lost time and lost lives and lost love and lost everything, damn it, runs through you. Your rule about no second chances beats through your pulse, in your ears, a rising drumbeat. He deserves this, right? You warned him that you were going to stop him, that what he was doing wasn't right. Your breathing becomes labored and your hands are shaking and just one little pull on the trigger and and

And you're just a murderer. Again. This would be the millionth life or more that you've taken. And he isn't worth it.

"I never would, have you got that? I. Never. Would," you whisper viciously, dropping the gun and facing the crowd. "Make the foundation of this society _a man who never would!_ "

Yet, while you are the man who'd never, you are also the man who seriously considered, the man who tried to rationalize and the man who at times feels vengeance is completely justified, if only in your thoughts. You have already lost so much, that one girl you only knew for an hour or two really shouldn't make such a difference. She should just be a drop in the ocean of people you have loved, lost or killed. Yet, she does make a difference and you leave the world feeling just a little bit emptier than before.

You are the Doctor, and sometimes you wonder if it's all worth it in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> Why aren't there more stories about Jenny?


End file.
